The holidays have a natural way of awakening our emotions. It may be joy, love, and family connection. It may be hope, anticipation, and renewal for the New Year. This time of year also awakens sad memories of loved ones gone or reminiscences of family turmoil. These memories can serve as hidden weeds and pop-up when we least expect them. It could be while shopping, driving your car, hearing a familiar song, at the dinner table, or a company party.

After my mother died by suicide, when I was 23, it took me years to open my heart to the joy of the holiday season. I no longer loved the holidays as I did when I was a young child. Holidays were a reminder of the distressed times in our family that I could ignore or pretend as if they were not there the rest of the year.

In my middle forties, I met and fell in love with my new husband, Terry. Something wonderful awakened in me during our first holiday season.

Terry was like a little boy. I had never seen a grown man so excited and his enthusiasm was infectious. It was clear; you do not let a dampened spirit mess with holiday joy in his presence. His house was in a remodeling disrepair, but it didn't matter. He insisted we celebrate there. He adorned the chimney with his plastic Santa, and streams of colored lights hung everywhere. An archway of twinkling lights welcomed guests into the driveway.

Our five children, and their significant others, all crammed into his living room. There was a small sparsely decorated tree, refrigerator, microwave, and a few chairs for our joyous Christmas Eve. We exchanged our gifts and ate our holiday treats on a wobbly card table in the empty kitchen.

My daughter, who was 16 at the time, thought it was pretty weird, but she sensed something special was about to happen in our life. She saw her mother in love and lively for the first time during the holiday season. We all understood that no matter what we had endured in our past, we now had the opportunity to thrive, not just survive.

That was the beginning of a new awakening for me and eventually led me to create the six leader-friendly gardening practices as a guide to thrive all year, especially during the holiday season:

1. Be nonjudgmental. Forcing opinions or personal values on others is toxic to the growth of your Leadership Garden. Being nonjudgmental connects you to your love and appreciation for others.
2. Do not enable. Suspend judgment by separating the behavior from the person. This allows loving thoughts and communication, without being self-righteous.
3. Use empathy. Be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings. Give up "being right" for the moment, and listen to others. Doing this will create a bridge between your survival and your thriving leadership.
4. Prune gossip. Often thought of as a harmless form of entertainment, the true underbelly of gossip is that it diminishes your personal power and trust with others. A thriving leader prunes gossip when it begins.
5. Eliminate blame. Blame is a more severe form of gossip and a way to deflect personal responsibility for the choices you make. Taking 100% responsibility for your life gives you the power to thrive.
6. Eradicate feelings of victimization. Victimization is a weed that clogs your Leadership Garden. It robs you of self-control, and the need to be responsible for your actions and the happy experience of life as a leader.

Imagine the joy of living with love in your heart each new day of each new season. So when you encounter the range of emotions you may experience this holiday season – remember, you have a choice to thrive, or merely survive!